There's something in the air!

I'll start off by saying, I freaking love my family.

My mom is probably the funniest person in the whole world and she's totally oblivious to it. She's very smart but a total ditz and I do the BEST impression of her. Ask anyone who's met her.

My dad is very serious but strangely funny and he gets a kick out of my mom. Not in the literal sense I hope.

My sister is a little ditzy, but not as much as my mom, and she thinks wearing Chanel is appropriate for any occasion.

My brother is quick-witted but lazy, and loves the outdoors.

I'm the mis-understood, oldest child with a somewhat twisted sense of humor.

Overall, we're pretty hilarious when we're all together and after I received the typed holiday itinerary from my dad, I knew there would be plenty of together time.

My mom called a couple of weeks ago and asked if it would be okay if we went on a mini-vacation as a family to a touristy area about thirty minutes from where they live. We'd be gone one full day and night. I asked what kind of hotel it was and my mom made it sound like a spa. I'd been hinting to my mom about massages and facials since that conversation.

So, we start talking about the hotel with my dad and he says, "I hope you brought your swimsuits for the big indoor waterpark!"

"Waterpark? I thought we were getting massages and facials?" Daphne and I both ask.

"No, where did you get that idea? This is a hotel with a big waterpark inside of it, " Daddy-O says.

"Oh dear Lord," Daphne and I both exchange looks.

So, the big overnight extravaganza arrives and we pile in my dad's jeep. Yep, I'm 26 and I sat bitch. Daphne and Connor sat by the windows. We could hardly get our seatbelts buckled because of the huge coats we had to wear. Hilarious.

We arrive at the hotel to find kids running around in swimsuits outside (in 30 degree weather), moms with tattoos that say something like "This is My Life" in hieroglyphics down their backs, and dads with cans of beer in the lobby. Think Disneyland meets NASCAR indoors. I start laughing hysterically. So does Connor. I thought Daphne might cry. My dad tells us we can't check in for another two hours, but hands us waterpark bracelets. We head to some shops in the area, make dinner reservations at a sushi and fusion place, and buy tickets to see Juno.


We come back to the hotel, check in, change into our suits and then head down to the waterpark. This place is packed. Other people's kids everywhere. But, there are slides, things to climb on, and most importantly, hot tubs. Hot tubs with a gate that says ADULTS ONLY. I am quite relieved, although there seems to be a small child peeing in the hot tub. Daddy-O tries to hide his disappointment in the sneezing child-infested waterpark.

My family beelines for the hot tub and then we make our way to the waterslides. After a quick run, we are all pretty done with the waterpark and in dire need of a cocktail.

We head back to the room and it's freaking a hundred degrees in there and the shower is the size of a small child. Everyone showers but me. I refuse.

We go to dinner, we order wine. The waitress brings the wine but has never opened a bottle. We open it for her. She pours different amounts into four glasses and empties the bottle. The sushi was like play-dough with fish. After the corrected bill comes (it was wrong three times), we race to the theater to see Juno.

My parents are conservative on a good day, and my mom covered Connor's eyes during the very tame sex scenes. We get out of the movie and it's starting to snow.

My dad says, "I wouldn't be opposed to taking this family vacation back to the house."

Connor says, "I would be mildly okay with that."

Mom, Daphne and I laugh and we agree. We go to the room and pack up our things. My dad heads to the front desk to check out.

Dad: I'd like to check out now.
Front Desk: Check out is not until 11am, sir. It's 10pm.
Dad: I'd still like to check out. We're not going to stay the night.
Front Desk: Okay, sir, but this is very odd.

While we are driving home, my mom exclaims, "Omigod, I think there's something in the air!"

All of us reply, "It's snowing, Mom."

My mom is funny.

So is my family. If you read the whole thing, you'd probably get a kick out of the fam too.