The Infamous Guest Room and my chastity belt the Twin Bed

Here is a timeline of events for the Infamous Guest Room:

1999: I give my first-ever hand job to a guy I met through church. After listening to the Sublime song, Caress Me Down, I thought I could figure out how to give a good one. And well, here's a refresher on the words.

She told me to come over and I took that trip
And then then she pulled out my mushroom tip
And when it came out, it went drip drip drip
I didnt know she had the g.i. joe, kung foo grip

And it went - uhh
And the girl caress me down- uhh
And thats that lovin sound- it went uhh
And the girl caress me down- uhh
And thats that lovin sound

I took the kung foo grip a little too seriously and squeezed the life outta this poor guy's manhood. I grabbed it as hard as I could and he told me to stop with tears in his eyes.

I have since learned the ways of the wood. And I hope I'm pretty good.

2000: The infamous Black-Eye Blow Job.

2001: Try to play the tip game with BEB to no avail.

2002: Lose my V-card to Social Retard immediately following the Big Christmas Party. Weeks earlier he told me he was saving himself for marriage. He tells me he loves me, then we move into to the infamous room. Two virgins trying to have sex. Classic. I say, "Is it in all the way?" He's totally offended. He puts it in and he doesn't move. We just laid there, him inside me, until he went limp. "That was sex?" I say. "Yeah, I think it was," Social Retard says.

2004: My mom tells me they will not help me buy a bed bigger than a twin....it becomes quite the chastity belt.

2005: Both Social Retard and I have twin beds in our apartments. The sex sucks...when we have it (he might be gay, but that's a different story) and sometimes we fall off the bed. We break up, while sitting in his twin bed.

2006: Meet HC on New Years Eve 2005. Two days later, take him back to my apartment and to my twin bed. Hilarity ensues. He's 6'5" and could be a football player. "I don't mean to sound easy, but you might have to sleep on top of me."

2007: I go to my alma mater for a party. Run into the Hottie I had the biggest crush on in college. Flash forward to the morning after the party. I'm naked next to Hottie, in a twin bed, in a hotel, with four other people in the room besides me and the hottie. More of this story to come later.

2008: I have a big girl bed. Big Girl Bed = Queen-sized fabulous bed. And I am hoping that it sees some action this year! Happy New Year!