Let's Have TEXT.

Seriously.  Like that's a real proposition.  Let's have TEXT.  

Nowadays, it seems like relationships have become less personal.  Texting, not phoning.  Texting to get boning.  Really, is an impersonal, unpunctuated one-liner gonna turn me on?  Not likely.  It takes all of my energy to type the godda*$ message (I hate T9 because of a blunder that almost cost me a friendship) and by the time I compose the mother-flippin' message, my want to get it on is gone.

My sister, Daphne*, put it this way.  "Dating these days is different.  All you do is meet someone at a bar, make out, and then see if they text you back...that's dating."

I hope to God she's wrong.  Because if she's right, dating SUCKS.  Where's the courting?  Where's the romance? Where are manners?  Are we gonna say our marriage vows via SMS?  I can see it now, "do u take this woman to be ur wife? if so reply i do." 

The pastor will have to mass text (another big pet peeve of mine), "does any1 have just reason 4 these 2 not 2 wed?"  And he'll have to wait a few seconds to see if anyone responds...

Is it wrong to want some sort of a fairy tale? I want the Pride & Prejudice, the "you-complete-me" kind of dating, that kind makes you want to tell a story. A love story.  Not a "let's play text games until we end up fucking" kind of story.  Since when did the "minute man" mean a fast texter.  Since when did a text = this means something.

The thing is, I've gotten great at the witty comment reply, the "you can't have me but you want me text message."  The problem is, guys don't want the witty reply.  They want the "let's hit it" reply.  They want the easy reply.

To that I say, write me a letter.  Send me an effing Hallmark card...take me on a real date with a real walk-you-to-the-door kiss. So tease me, take me, just don't text me. 

Don't think about sending me a booty call text.  I'll have a flat ass reply.