Black Eye On Your Knees

Okay....please don't judge. I know it's hard to believe, but I'm not a virgin. When this event happened, however, I had not joined the cool kids at the sex table.

When I was a young, inexperienced seventeen year-old girl, something funny happened to me.

Here's the story. My high school boyfriend and I had just gotten our routine down. We were just starting to experiment in the Rated-R territory. We'd tell my little brother to stop playing video games and we'd kick him out of the basement. For all of you people who grew up without a basement, you really missed out on a great room. The Midwest may have tornadoes, but we also have basements. And basements + teenagers = a great place to mess around.

We had this big room with the TV in it and then a computer room was right next to it. The computer room conveniently doubled as our guest room. Equipped with a queen bed, this was the perfect way for us to sneak away and "check e-mail." Yeah, we also checked our clothes at the door.

Let me set the scene. He's standing, leaning against the bed. I'm on my knees. Down to just my cute little undies, I was, well, taking care of him. He's only wearing boxers. And I'm taking care of him. Okay, catch my drift?

Since I'm unexperienced, I well, clumsily choke. I choke and come up for air. He apparently is enjoying the "job" and is "into it" and moving himself, fine, he's THRUSTING. I catch my breath for a second and go back down to finish the job.

Him thrusting. Me going back down. Him thrusting. Me going back down.

Setting the scene for disaster here.

Me going back down. Him thrusting up.

I got a black eye from his dick. No joke. Black-eye from a blow job.

He immediately goes limp. I fall to the ground. My eye (the brow bone) is starting to swell. I'm laughing and crying. He's not laughing. Then he laughs. We catch our breaths.

"Shit. You need ice. Are your parents still upstairs in the kitchen?"

"Yep. Shit."

"Get dressed and go upstairs to get ice cream and I'll hit the wall on your way up...and it will look like you hit your head on the wall."

"Okay..."

Me walking upstairs. Dude hits the wall (hurts his hand...classic).

"Hi mom, hi dad. Was coming up for ice cream and I hit my head on the door. It's starting to swell."

Thank God my mommy hasn't a clue. She mothers me. Helps me put ice on my black eye from the blow job.

True story.

P. S. Thanks Elle, for the brilliant work on the title. Well played.