So, we have this hilarious security guard at work. He's pretty young, but he's a bigger guy. I'm pretty nice to him, I always say hi, but I don't really go above and beyond that.
The funny thing about him is, he steals from the vending machines. When we had that earthquake a few months back, I wasn't sure if the shaking was an earthquake or the security guard getting free stuff from the vending machines (we've caught him in the act before). If he would just ask, I would lend him the money! But seriously, it's so hilarious.
Well, today, I grabbed lunch across the street by myself. Walked back and grabbed the elevator. He ran to catch it too.
Slow elevator. Silence.
Slowest elevator ever. Silence.
So, here it goes:
Clumsy: Geez, it is hot out today.
Security Dude: Yeah, it's like a sauna.
Clumsy: Yeah, I was out there for five minutes and I think I am sunburned.
Door opens.
Phew. Relief. No more awkward conversation.
But, wait.
Security Dude: Um, hey, I was meaning to ask you, uh if you didn't have any uh, uh, plans this weekend, on Saturday, a friend of mine, a buddy of mine....
(can this pickup take any longer....)
One thousand one.
Security Dude: (continues) Um, like a friend of mine, um, on Saturday, if you're not busy, um, like a friend of mine he's like opening a porno shop, and um I don't know what you're doing...
(did he just say porno shop?...haha...what???)
One thousand fifty-nine.
Security Dude: (continues) just throwing it out there, but um, if you wanted to come, they're like having a live taping, uh, if you're interested.
(Uhhhhh....silence.)
Clumsy: Um, I am going to be in Vegas this weekend, but wow, uh, that sounds interesting.
I walk away slowly. Digesting what just happened.
WHAT JUST HAPPENED????
The worst, most disturbing pick-up line in the history of mankind.
Oh.
My.
God.
I just had to share it with you.
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5 comments:
First of all, does he really think you seem like the girl who would want to see a porn be taped??
Secondly, I can't stop laughing!! HAHAHAHA
So this means that a spot is open, right?
You're so hilar-EEEEEEEEEEEEEE-ous
Wait just a minute! How in the hell can you say no to that? I mean, the guy has the hookup with the vending machine, so one would imagine he has some pull (pun intended) in the porno game. You could have had yourself a lifetime supply of dillies. You totally blew (another pun that I intended the shit out of) it.
You can't get an invite like that and NOT GO! That's amusing party anecdotes for the REST OF YOUR LIFE!
Oh. My. God. No really, that's all I got. Wow.
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