People who talk in public bathrooms make me SUPER uncomfortable. It absolutely drives me crazy.
It's already hard enough for me to go to the restroom in public places after my dad grew up telling me, "Never get a tattoo and never pee in a public restroom."
Thanks, dad. I'm super-neurotic already and scared to pee at work. Sometimes I spend HOURS crossing my legs in meetings holding it so I can go when I come home.
On this particular occasion, I drank a ton of coffee in the morning and absolutely HAD to go into the shared bathroom of the floor. We share it with a large, well-known corporation filled with a lot of overweight secretaries. I know, I'm rude like that, it's such a true cliche.
I almost RAN to the bathroom from the meeting. There are four stalls. I usually go for the handicapped stalls (having a fear of public restrooms IS a handicap) but I was in a major rush and had to go to the first available stall. I end up in the 2nd stall and have a person on either side of me. They are having a conversation and I am about to piss like a racehorse.
I am hoping they finish up so I can start to pee...I usually wait until everyone leaves, but I couldn't hold it anymore. I even took extra caution by putting a seat cover AND toilet paper on it.
While I am relieving myself, I can't help but listen to the ladies' conversation.
OVERWEIGHT SECRETARY #1: My son, Bobby, used to call several times a week. Now I'm lucky if he calls once a month.
OVERWEIGHT SECRETARY #2: I know, my son is the same way, but my daughter is much better about calling.
(Puff. Pbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbp. PHfuuart. Plop. Plop.) Insert gag reflex here.
OVERWEIGHT SECRETARY #1: Ungh. Uh. (is she really having a conversation and pushing out a turd? EW!!!) I wish I had a daughter.
My internal monologue: Ew. Don't laugh. Don't throw up. Don't laugh. Don't throw up.
OVERWEIGHT SECRETARY #2: Well, my daughter almost calls too much.
OVERWEIGHT SECRETARY #1: At least she makes the effort.
OVERWEIGHT SECRETARY #2: (Poof. Pbpbpbpb.) Yeah, she does keep me up to date with all of her drama. Hahahahaha.
I'm not kidding, they were dropping deuces and still talking like nothing was plopping in the toilet. The smell was worse. And I can't post a scratch and sniff blog.
What is wrong with these people? It really pissed me off. Pun intended.
Are you a poop talker (one who makes phone calls while pooping) or a bathroom blabberer (one who makes small talk in public restrooms)?
Am I weird for being grossed out?
11 comments:
No, you're not weird, that's disgusting.
I have a solution for you. Start going to the men's room. We have an unspoken rule that precludes anyone from so much as sighing in there.
LOVE this blog
I had something to say about this before...I totally agree
Cool post.
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No, Clums, you're not weird at all. That's just icky.
Ugh.
I think its hilarious, but that is gross...
My mom used to do that to me when I was little, she would be in the stall and I would be waiting for her with a bunch of other people. She would start talking to me and farting and shit, I would get so embarrassed…
That is DISGUSTING. I even feel bad if I text someone while in the restroom. These ladies are nasty!
I sometimes talk on the phone in my private, at-home bathroom, as long as I'm relatively sure the person on the other end will have no idea that I did that. And only if I'm peeing.
If I'm in a public restroom, peeing, and it's only me and the person I'm already in conversation with in there, then I'll talk. Otherwise it's weird.
I'm grossed out by reading it.
Gag.
But have you ever watched a race horse piss? It's intense.
Oh my gosh! Im laughing out loud. I agree, its repulsive! If I EVER have to do something of the sort in public I akwardly reach around to flush the toilet obsessively to drown out any noise :)Was that too much information? :)
Me!
That's so gross!! I hate when people use their phones in the bathroom in particular. Can't you wait until after? Other than that, how's your new job? Your new place?
you are not alone.
a friend of mine has TWICE experienced a coworker who runs into a bathroom stall, sighs loudly with relief and begins peeing without shutting the stall door.
Hilarious
Good blog
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